The Zen Habit of Stillness

You probably have friends and acquaintances who are always rushing about and complaining about their lack of alone time. Maybe they don’t even say anything about it because they don’t know any other way to be. Every moment, they’re busy. Maybe you’re one of them.

If you examine the lives of overly busy people, you’ll probably find that they’re not contented, happy people. There’s always so much to do and so little time. Perhaps you’re reading this because you feel rushed yourself and want to slow down and reap the benefits of being still.

Two Kinds of Stillness

You can be quiet in body and quiet in mind. Both are important. Being still physically saves you a lot of energy and effort. You feel less exhausted by the end of the day. Mental quietness has a similar effect on your psychological, intellectual, and emotional energy.

All you have to do to achieve stillness of body is to finish your chores and then relax. Even while you’re completing your tasks, you can conserve energy by using little movement. To get an idea of how to do this, just watch a monk in action. Or notice how a cat relaxes.

Stillness of mind is more challenging to achieve. However, this kind of quietness is much more critical to overall contentment. 

How do you feel when you get some shocking news? How about when you finally reach your target at work, win an award, or find yourself suddenly in a crisis? You feel a rush of adrenaline and you’re off, letting off steam in a gush of emotion, words or action.

So if this is such a natural response to big changes, why do you need to cultivate stillness? When you’re in the middle, when you’re centered, you can see both ends of the spectrum.

When you refrain from reacting in an extreme way, you can control your response to the situation. You can be objective. Most importantly, you can learn from your circumstances and use them for self-development.

From another perspective, when you’ve cultivated internal quietness, you’re less likely to face extreme ups and downs.

Try these tips to develop a still mind:

  1. Stop. In an extreme situation, pull away from the circumstance for a moment. Take a deep breath before you react.
  2. Listen. Listen carefully to what’s being said. If your mind jumps the gun with words you feel compelled to speak, bring it back to the moment. Return your attention to what the other is saying.
  3. Think. Contemplate why you’re facing the situation. Did you play a part in creating it? Is the other simply mirroring you? Is there something you need to learn from this circumstance?

If you take these steps, you’ll be able to avoid overreacting or reacting negatively in haste. This means your response, if and when it does come, will be the right one for the circumstances and for you.

 The Importance of Silence 

Another way to develop mental stillness is to practice silence. Speak only when necessary. Speak only when you have something of consequence to say or something that will help the other.

Before you speak, examine your motivation for saying what you want to say. Is it to further the welfare of the other? Or is it to praise yourself or prove that you’re right and the other wrong? A need to always be right is the basis of much conflict.

Moreover, when you’re habitually silent, your words have more effect. People pay attention when you speak.

As you work toward greater self-awareness, try cultivating internal stillness. Just follow these guidelines as a start. As you practice, you’ll realize many rewards.

Self–Esteem: Adults and Children

Self-esteem in adults and childrenParents have a huge effect on their children’s self esteem. Studies have revealed that there is a huge correlation between self esteem between adults and children. Your outlook hugely effects your child’s perspective in life. For example: a parent being unsocial makes the child unsocial, etc. This relationship can affect many areas of a child’s life and future.

Be conscious about things that may manifest in your child’s life. Role playing is the key in the growing years of children – you must role play the example for them. They see themselves in it. Self esteem is important because it makes a child proud of who they are and comfortable with who they are.

Children must gain acceptance with friends and not be reclusive in nature. This is responsible for allowing respect for an individual. This need occurs in the beginning of growth – it is always present. The need for self esteem is huge. The ups and downs of life are trained and harnessed by self esteem and attitude; also it is the same with inner battles.

As children get older they must take on the responsibility of developing there own self esteem. This happens by watching others. They especially watch parents. Humor is the BEST manifestation of self-esteem. It speaks of confidence and self acceptance. This also gauges how a person carries themselves in public.
Self esteem helps children want more. They will crave more attention but also want to satisfy their needs to feel good about themselves. It makes kids see things in a whole new light – a positive light. It makes them want to do more and to achieve great things.

Parents should always try to make a point to display a great showcase of self esteem and confidence. Don’t forget to spice it up with lots of positivity and humor. You will not be sorry you did. It is for your child’s future after all. You cannot let go enough in this area – really make a point of speaking of yourselves and others in a positive and confident way to set the example.